For very personal and family reasons, I need to stay home most of the time and I don’t go to public places anymore, so my friends come to my home for lunch and continue our discussions about what we would like to change, or what we will never be able to change.
Our discussion this past week was about mothers, and after listening to some of them I got to the conclusion that we need to label them Toxic Mothers.
I always believed my mother was the best person in the world. There was a wonderful relationship between us. More than mother and daughter, we were buddies.
One of my friends said: “My mother was very possessive; she never allowed me to go anyplace by myself, and she never allowed me to interact with friends — male or female — if she could not be present.
This was the reason why people who I have known never invited me to their home parties.”
Another one said: “I don’t know how I am still alive, because my mother never let me breathe. Even regarding a short trip to the grocery store, she used to say ‘Wait a minute, I am going with you’.”
Another one said: “I lost all my friends because every time they called my house, if my mother had answered the phone, she used to say, ‘what do you need to say to her that you cannot tell me?’ Some of the people calling told her that it was a matter of young people and it was none of her business. She blocked all my calls from that point on. So, I lost all my friends.”
Another one said: “You have not heard anything yet. My mother didn’t speak to me for over two weeks because the guy I was dating invited me to a New Year’s party at his family home. She was very upset because she was not invited, and because I accepted a friendship ring I received for New Years.”
Another friend who was very quiet during all the conversation said: “Well, let me tell you, for the very first time in my life I am going to say that I did not respect my mother; I was scared to death of her.
She actually destroyed my life. I was discussing plans for a honeymoon with the man I was going to marry, when she got involved in the conversation and she said ‘can I go with you two?’ My fiancé said, ‘Of
course, you can go with us any place you wish.’ He left that night, and I never saw him again.”
After listening to all these sad stories I wonder when mothers are going to realize that their children (boys or girls) are not their property. They are brought into this world with their own wings to fly when their time comes, or when they decide to do so.
Every human being needs the love of a mother. It is a pleasure to be able to turn to your mother when a warm hug is needed, but it is agonizing to feel trapped by the poison of a Toxic Mother.
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Perly Viasmensky is the General Manager of the Las Vegas Tribune. She writes a weekly column in this newspaper. To contact Perly Viasmensky, email her at pviasmensky@lasvegas tribune.com.