You learn some things the easy way and others… not so much. So here are some tips I’ve learned, some the hard way and some the easy way.
—Don’t text and drive because it may end your driving career.
—What you post is permanent.
—Be excellent toward others.
—Under promise and over deliver.
—If you’re thinking about getting a dog or a cat, do what Jesus would do- get a dog. Dogs have masters; cats have staff.
—Where there’s a will, be good enough to be in it.
—Don’t hurt others even if it’s the last thing you want to do.
—When you agree with others, it doesn’t necessarily make you both right.
—War doesn’t necessarily prove which side is right; it just who is left.
—Knowing a tomato is a fruit is knowledge; wisdom is not putting it
into a fruit salad.
—Why do they start the news with “Good Evening…” and proceed to tell you why it isn’t?
—Look for a career not a paycheck.
—Find somebody to marry who is a whole lot nicer than you are.
—On applications where is says “In case of an emergency” write“Call a doctor.”
—It’s not always your fault, but they blame someone.
—The only way women will be truly equal to men is to go bald and grow a beer belly.
—Behind every successful man is a woman; behind the fall of every man is usually another woman.
—The clearer your conscience, the fuzzier your memory is.
—You don’t need a parachute to skydive. You need one to skydive a second time.
—Money doesn’t bring happiness, it minimizes misery.
—You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
—Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in an emergency room makes you a doctor.
—Work eight hours straight without hating yourself.
—Learn whether you’re going to bed and waking up at the right times.
Everyone’s biological clock is different.
—Put your daily to-do list on a post-it. If it won’t fit on a post-it, it probably won’t fit in your day.
—Handle paper once and make a decision.
—When you wake up every day fill in the blank: My purpose today is:____.
—Make three people a day smile.
—Life is too short to waste it hating anyone.
—Make peace with yesterday so it won’t spoil today.
—Before you sleep tonight, fill in these blanks. Today I am thankful for _____. Today I accomplished _______.
—Be blessed, not stressed.
—Remember the big picture instead of what you “must have” every moment. It will change in the next moment.
—Most things are not “needs” they are “wants”.
—Don’t loan money to people close to you. If they need it that bad make it a gift. Unpaid loans strain relationships. Offer ten per cent of what’s requested and suggest that they find nine other generous friends like you.
—Write thank you notes by hand. It shows you’re truly thankful.
—Be sensitive to people who lose pets. Many people bond better and longer with animals than they do humans.
—Slow down and enjoy a vacation, or God will give you a permanent one.
—Read a book you’ve read before. It’s like connecting with an old friend.
—Find your passion and live it daily.
—Conceive it; believe it; achieve it.
—Love your family unconditionally.
—Life isn’t Disney World and the last thing you should want is a fast pass.
—Life is a school room and you’re here to learn.
—Your job won’t take care of you when you’re sick. Your insurance and your friends will.
—Your fondest wish should be to never have a disease named after you.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year old woman to use the f-word?
Have another 80-year old woman yell BINGO!
Michael Aun is a syndicated columnist and writes a weekly column for this newspaper. To contact Michael Aun, email him at firstname.lastname@example.org.