it’s my favorite gift. My son Jason and his wife Jessica gave me the unique present, which my grandbabies had the privilege of opening (as they do all my gifts). You should have seen the puzzled look on their little faces, especially when I proceeded to put my head through it!
The neat thing about this seat is that you tap it simply and it closes on its own without that annoying bang, which seems to wake everyone in the middle of the night. Now someone needs to invent one that will lift automatically.
I married my plumber. Christine has many amazing talents including not letting me near any tools that could harm me. She installed the new lid for the john and I proceeded to christen it later in the middle of the night. I’m not the best target when I’m half asleep. Unfortunately, it’s not a self-cleaning toilet seat or one that will rise when a male enters the bathroom.
The question every female everywhere always asks is: “Who left the toilet seat up?” Now that the nest is empty and I’m the only male candidate, my wife goes straight to the penalty phase, not even bothering with an honest interrogation. It’s not fair eliminating the “denial” defense.
In the world of multitasking I view my toilet seat as an excellent place for me to put on sox in the morning. It’s a terrific stool for reading as well. About the only peace and quiet most of us get is in the head.
My grandbaby Ava loves the bathroom because she can enjoy two of her most favorite activities, watching cartoons on my bathroom television and enjoying a good poop. “This is the life!” proclaims Ava.
Women have been fighting the battle of hymn of the toilet seat since they did away with the outhouse and invented indoor plumbing. What does it take to get a man to put a toilet seat down? Answer: a sex change operation.
Need a last minute gift for your mom or wife? Put the toilet seat down. Toilets are like politicians. They need to be flushed now and then … for the same reason.
I hate to admit it, but I’m a fan of reading the humor that appears on bathroom walls. “Make love, not war. Why not do both? Get married!” Or this one: “Express lane- five beers or less.”
One restaurant, which shall go unnamed, decided to install a white board above the men’s urinals and even provided the erasable markers. Why would you dare touch one of those markers?
Another restaurant I frequent actually puts up the sports pages from the USA Today behind see through plastic. Since I don’t suffer from delays in making water, I usually can only read the headlines before departing the premises.
I was in Atlanta’s Hartsfield Airport not long ago when some prankster dropped a marble on the floor and proceeded to say “Oh shoot… my glass eye!”
Christine was thinking of installing a sign above the toilet paper: “Changing the toilet paper roll does not cause brain damage.” Why won’t men change the toilet paper? For the same reason they won’t put the seat down… LAZY!
In an effort to encourage good bathroom behavior, one establishment put up this sign: “My aim is to keep this bathroom clean. Your aim will help!” The Pair of Dice Car Wash in Kissimmee, FL has this on the wall of the men’s room: “If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie!”
In a bar in the men’s bathroom, this sign was seen: “Please do not put cigarette butts in our urinal. We don’t urinate in your ashtray!”
The all time best was someone writing on the toilet paper. First sheet:“What’s dumb?” Next sheet: “Directions on toilet paper.” Next sheet: “What’s dumber than that? Reading them!” Next sheet: “Even dumber?” Next sheet:“Reading them and learning something. Final sheet: “Dumbest of all? Reading them and having to correct something you’ve been doing wrong!”