What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar? He got 25 days!
What did the beaver say to the Christmas tree? Nice gnawing you!
Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters? They keep losing their needles!
What do crackers, fruitcake and nuts remind me of? You!
What’s the best thing to put into a Christmas cake? Your teeth!
What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk? Jingle Smells!
Where would you find chili beans? At the north pole!
Why don’t penguins fly? Because they’re not tall enough to be pilots!
What do sheep say at Christmas? Wool-tide Bleatings! Or A Merry
Christmas to Ewe!
What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games
in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet, ribbet? Mistle-toad!
Which football team did the baby Jesus support? Manger-ster United!
Knock! Knock! Who’s there? Pudding. Pudding who? Pudding in your face!
Knock! Knock! Who’s there? Snow. Snow who? Snow business like show business!
Knock! Knock! Who’s there? Hanna. Hanna who? Hanna partridge in a pear tree!
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claustrophobia!
Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can ‘ho ho ho’!
Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor? Because he had a low “elf” esteem!
What kind of motorbike does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson!
What do you call a cat in the desert? Sandy Claws!
Who delivers presents to cats? Santa Paws!
What do you call Father Christmas in the beach? Sandy Clause!
What did the sea say to Santa? Nothing! It just waved!
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas Quacker!
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws!
What says Oh, Oh, Oh? Santa walking backwards!
Who is Santa’s favorite singer? Elf-is Presley!
What do you call Santa’s little helpers? Subordinate clauses!
What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school? The elf-abet!
What did Santa say to the smoker? Please don’t smoke, it’s bad for my elf!
Where do elves go to dance? Christmas Balls!
What do elves eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes!
What type of Shoes does Santa wear when he travels on a train? Platforms!
What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
How long do a reindeers legs have to be? Long enough so they can touch
What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? Horn-aments!
Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? They always drop their needles!
What’s worse than Rudolph with a runny nose? Frosty the snowman with a
Did Rudolph go to school? No. He was Elf-taught!
Why did the turkey cross the road? Because he wasn’t chicken!
Why did the turkey cross the road? Because it was the chicken’s day off!
What happened to the turkey at Christmas? It got gobbled!
Why did the turkey join the band? Because it had the drumsticks!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!
What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps!
How do snowmen get around? They ride an icicle.
What song do you sing at a snowman’s birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow!
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas? One that’s deep pan,
crisp and even!
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy!
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve!
How many letters are in the angelic alphabet? The Christmas alphabet
has “no EL”!
What carol is heard in the desert? O camel ye faithful!
What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas? Cross Mouse Cards!
How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? Fleece Navidad!
How did Scrooge with the football game? The ghost of Christmas passed!
What athlete is warmest in winter? A long jumper!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsilitis!
What is the worst disease that you get at Christmas? Excemas!
What’s the most popular Christmas wine? I don’t like Brussels sprouts!
Knock! Knock! Who’s there? Holly. Holly who? Holly-days are here again!
Michael Aun is a syndicated columnist and writes a weekly column for this newspaper. To contact Michael Aun, email him at firstname.lastname@example.org.