And when the cost of chicken and beef hit an all time highs, fast food fans could rest easy; it had no impact on their prices.
Fast food joints are a favorite pit stop for those who have to use the potty, mainly because there seems to be one every mile or so. People who would not dream of putting their fast food into their stomachs will put things from their bodies into their potty. Go figure.
How do you work on childhood obesity? Cut the number of Happy Meals in half. Perhaps if they simply cut the fries, but then that would contradict the fast food industry’s own medical research that French fries are healthy. Really?
To their credit, many fast food establishments did start adding salads and fruits as substitutes for fries in their “value meals.” My guess, customers will just keep getting the fries, which actually resemble what they actually are. Not so sure about the nuggets. I wonder if they plan to print pamphlets explaining exactly what’s in the fruits and veggies.
It would be fun to work at a fast food survey center. The one question that would have to be the most ridiculous: “And how did you hear about us?”
Fast foods love the dollar menu. It came under attack recently when a Uruguay drug czar announced he would sell pot for $1 gram, making fast food the second best dollar menu in the world.
There are some Biblical roots the fast food fan can reference. The Lord God made a woman from the McRib he had taken out of the man and she brought forth the Honey Boo Boo. Not!
Ever conscious of safety, one fast food place had decided to cool their pie fillings to 3 degrees below the temperature of the molten core of the earth before serving.
And then there was the woman who sued a fast food establishment claiming she scorched her private parts with a scalding cup of coffee.
She should have felt blessed not to have acquired a STD.
And it gets so hot in Florida that another woman dumped a cup of coffee in her lap just to cool off.
You know the economy is bad when the kid behind the counter asks “Can you afford fries with that?”
When the imitation rib sandwich came back to one menu, heart problems went up across the globe. It reminds you of the report about invention of synthetic hamburgers. Many already thought the rib sandwich was an offspring of “real road kill.”
Here’s a great idea. Use a burger as fish bait. It’ll last a lot longer under water than a worm.
China announced the opening of a large number of fast food chains as their newest initiative to control population growth.
When one large hamburger chain announced parting ways with Heinz Catshup, it was no big deal. Similar decisions with the beef and chicken industry were done years ago and it hasn’t affected the bottom line.
Some fast food places latest innovation is putting booklets into their Happy Meals. I would recommend the new best seller “Childhood Obesity for Dummies.”
I’m now convinced; the golden arches got their inspiration from bent French fries.
One former fast food worker suggested that you should never order the nuggets. “They have a timer, but 9/10’s of the time, when the bell goes off, someone simply resets the timer. They sit there until they
Even my grandbaby Ava has to chime in: “Jiddo (Arabic for grandfather), what do you call a pig thief? A hamburgler!”
“Jiddo, what did the bacon say to the tomato?” asked Ava. “Lettuce get together!” Yuck, yuck!
“Hey Jiddo… knock, knock!” I responded “Who’s there?” She said
“Lettuce.” I responded “Lettuce who?” She chuckled “Lettuce in; it’s cold out here.” Bad-da-boop-boop.
Finally, one major chain is planning to introduce a new program for
their larger sized clients- a Frequent Fryers Rewards Program.
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Michael Aun is a syndicated columnist and writes a weekly column for this newspaper. To contact Michael Aun, email him at firstname.lastname@example.org.